Get the Message
What is it about men that don't understand that sometimes a woman is just not interested? I get quite a few men that message me after I comment on a post in a group or even because I am an admin of a social group. Most often, they want to be "friends" or get to know me more. I am usually not interested. Sorry, but not sorry. I try to be polite at first, tell them I'm in a relationship and my partner would not appreciate me talking to another guy. This works sometimes...sometimes it does not. If it doesn't work, I will just be gentle and say I'm not interested. Sometimes this works, sometimes it does not. It's when this doesn't work that it pisses me off.
Take a look at this conversation with this guy (I've share the photos). Now, I tried the relationship line. Nope, didn't work because he just wanted to be friends. Now, this guy messaged quite a bit. Even when I never responded, he kept messaging. Men: Don't do that. Sometimes, it is not a woman playing hard to get. Sometimes she really just is not interested in talking to you. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it is sometimes.
Now, seriously, what would you have said to make this guy stop messaging? And yes, I did eventually end up blocking him (which, I had to do another guy that week too).
A Fragile Ego
What is it about men that makes them not understand that sometimes women just aren't interested? Or, that perhaps we would rather meet than just follow your Instagram?
Not only are online dating platforms full of scammers and maybe one or two decent fellas, but with the age of Instagram and TikTok, I find many men are just looking for followers. Have you felt the same? You match, then they want to go to Instagram or some other social media platform so you can do the necessary "stalking"? They're a smidge too busy to meet now, but when things are more free, they'll let you know. Meantime, you're stuck following an account you don't really care about.
I hate this.
I usually will go back and unfollow them if there's been no contact or attempt to meet in a few months time. I don't see anything wrong with this. Well, back in October after a speed dating event I held and posted about, someone I met on Tinder that wanted to "follow" each other on Instagram messaged me about it. I immediately messaged back and never heard from him. So, around November or December, I made the choice to unfollow him.
A few weeks ago, this dude messaged me to say he was sorry he was just noticing I had sent him a message and that it looked like a great initiative (the speed dating). I was like (mentally), "Thanks" but chose not to reply because really, what was the point after it being so long. And then he thanked me for the "unfollow". I laughed and felt justified in my choice.
Highlights Among the Snafus
As I was talking to a few people about my dating experiences, I realized that though I do have a lot of “scammer” stories I can share, I have been on some decent dates as well in the last couple of years. So, I thought instead of sharing a “snafu”, I would share a few short “woohoos” with you...and yes, I totally admit that was an extremely cheesy rhyme!
A couple of years ago I met this guy on Tinder. He lived in Dubai, was looking for more of a fling I’d say; I was in Abu Dhabi, looking for something more than a fling. He shared that he had a friend in Abu Dhabi that recently divorced, two kids, and was looking for something; he offered to connect us. I thought it sounded reasonable, and besides, since when did Tinder matches connect you with other possible dates? I went to Ian’s (name has been changed) home for our first date. Get this--his family chef cooked dinner for us. We met the next day, again we had dinner at his house. Both times, we just talked (get those minds out of the gutter...besides, my mum occasionally reads my blog), got to know each other, and listened to music. Very chilled. The third date? Best. Third. Date. Ever! He had arranged for us to meet at a hotel not too far from either one of us to have drinks and a...wait for it...a couples massage. Now, I realize we couldn’t really say we were a couple, but damn, a massage I didn’t have to pay for? Um, yes and thank you. For two hours, I was in pure bliss! What happened to Ian? Long story short, I ended up having one of his children in my class after he’d shown his true colors, though he says it was his friend being the ass joking and not him. We’re friends now, but have had no more repeats of the massage. Please note, I am available for future couples massages if anyone is interested, lol.
Another awesome date I had in the past few months was at a very swanky place called Hakkasan. This branch was in Dubai, at The Atlantis The Palm. The food was delicious! But I guess this is a dating post, so I should focus more on the date than the food. The dinner at Hakkasan was actually a second date. Our first meeting was at the little cafe Laduree inside the Dubai Mall. We enjoyed some tea and shared french toast. While we were enjoying the sweetness of the caramelie bread, he mentioned going to Hakkasan. Having heard of this place, I immediately said yes. Two nights later, he was picking me up in his Range Rover to drive over to Palm Jumeirah. The service was top notch and impeccable. I should write a whole separate post about the actual food! (One moment as I write a note to myself.) This was a stand out date for a couple of reasons...1) I was treated with respect and care. 2) The man took the time to make the reservation to Hakkasan and I didn’t have to do anything except be ready at the time he said he would pick me up. Men should take note.
And the last date I’ll hit you with was last week, and I’m not sure I would call it a date, but more of a meet-up. This was a guy I met on Tinder back in June. Life got in the way of meeting up before I left for the US during the summer, and once I was back, I just didn’t make contact and neither did he. So, last week he messaged and we set a time to meet at the Armani Hotel inside the lounge. I was super excited since everyday I see my neighbor, the Burj Khalifa, but have never been inside. On the evening of the meet up, I was tingling with excitement as I pulled up to the bottom of the Burj Khalifa where the entrance to the hotel was located. I messaged the man once I arrived to ask him where in the lounge he was. He emerged from a hallway, a bit more handsome than his profile pictures suggested. We did the obligatory niceties, as people do once they meet for the first time, as he led me down the hallway into a room filled with a sweet cigar smell. A few men sat at a few tables inside the small room, but didn’t seem to mind as we went to an area in the corner. I ordered a hot tea with some warm milk. As I sipped on my tea, we got to know each other. Why was this a stand out date: 1) The location was amazing. 2) He suggested the place and time. 3) Good conversation.
Dating can be a hot mess, and not in a good way all the time. The sheer amount of profiles out in the digital world can be downright overwhelming, too. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagels, OkCupid, etc...So many choices, so much sludge to go through before finding a few bright stars in the mix. My advice? Keep looking, hold your head up, don’t lose faith. Enjoy the process.
Erick the Prick
One of the more creative attempted-scammers I’ve encounter was one by the name of Erick Z. I give him credit for picking up on my weaknesses so he knew how to hit my wallet. Sadly for him, my wallet stayed closed.
Here’s our story…
I met Erick on Tinder. His photos showed a handsome Chinese guy hanging out on a dirt road. Very idyllic setting. We didn’t stay on Tinder for long, moving over to another way of communicating. His profile came up because he was recently visiting the city I lived in, but was now back in London where he mostly worked and lived.
He shared with me that his father owned property in Shenzhen and he was in a disagreement with his relatives about what to do with it. I asked where he had stayed and he told me the name of some 5 star hotel. Of course, I was impressed.
He was a guy who enjoyed playing golf and swimming. He even sent me a video of him doing breaststrokes in a very tropical pool (of course the video did not show his face)…which I questioned because there were palm trees surrounding the pool and I don’t really associate palm trees with London. He assured me he was in London. Anyway, he would also send me pictures with positive messages and/or messages about finding your soul mate. You know, cheesy stuff women fall for.
After a few weeks, he told me he had a meeting in Kuala Lumpur. He was trying to get some contract work. After he was done in KL, he would fly to visit me in Shenzhen. Then, he asked me about some things I like because he was going to buy me some gifts. I told him no, but he said he wanted to and it was his money. So, I offered some suggestions.
Well, you know flying with gifts is difficult so he said he wanted to ship them to me before hand. I gave him an address. A few days later, I received an email from a “courier service” with a gmail address. This is when I started to suspect something wasn’t quite right. Seriously? What reputable shipping company has a gmail email address?
The email included a reference number and a detailed description of what was packed in my parcel. I will admit, I almost let the Louis Vuitton purse sway me to pay…just in case. But I held strong.
I emailed the courier service about how I could track this parcel and never heard back. I soon got another email from them saying the parcel was held up at the Hong Kong border and I needed to pay 6500HKD in order to receive the parcel from Customs. At this point, I tried to find the courier service online to no avail. I responded with the question of how to pay the fees (I wasn’t going to) and where I should go to do so. I was told I didn’t need to go to the place because I could just transfer the funds to an account in Hong Kong.
I made an excuse up about my bank requiring certain information. Again, they were certainly quick to reply when it came to the money.
Now, you may be asking what was going on with Erick at this point. Well, he was in KL and got a contract with PETRONAS. He even sent a picture of the contract (wish I had a screen shot of it, but I wasn’t “collecting” evidence at the time). I told him about the issues with the fees. He shared he was having issues with his credit cards at the moment and asked if I would take care of it. I told him I would try.
So, back to the courier service's gmail I went. When pushed, they offered another bank account to transfer the funds to; this was the head-quarter’s main account. Ha.
Meanwhile, I was getting messages from Erick. He was very concerned and upset that I wasn’t able to take care of this parcel delivery. There were a lot of high-end products and gifts in the parcel, he said, and he would feel much better once it was in my possession.
Now, allow me to pause Erick’s story to introduce someone you will hear mentioned in a few other scam stories from me. But he isn’t a scammer, just a friend who is a very dominant personality that I completely hero worship because of his...um...personality (shhh, don’t tell him this)—in fact, that’s what we’ll call him: Bruce Wayne for now. He was one of the couple of guys I met on OkCupid that I mentioned in an earlier post on ScamTales and you will hear about him a few times. I knew then he wasn’t my type. We scheduled one date that didn’t work out because he overbooked himself when he was in HK. Between September and November, we talked every few weeks. However, now we talk on the phone frequently, I am basically in love with him even though he’s totally not my type and would never date him, and he's bailed me out of pickles before. Not the point. Anyway, I guess I messaged him about this guy to see if he could tell whether or not the contract was real or fake.
He told me everything that was going on seemed like a complete scam. He then gave me some suggestions to mess with the guy. I couldn’t resist, so I did.
As Mr. Bruce Wayne instructed, I told the shipping company I instructed my bank to transfer the funds. They said they’d deliver the parcel then. Next, I messaged Erick and told him I paid the fee.
The next day, Erick messaged me in a tizzy: the courier service said they hadn’t received the funds. So, I told him they were wrong. Later that day, I messaged him to tell him I couldn’t help myself and opened the parcel since it was delivered that afternoon.
His reply? “What? Really?”
I told him yes and that I loved everything in it! I went on about each thing on the “packing list”. He told me he didn’t know what was going on because the courier service assured him that I hadn’t sent the money and so they still had the parcel. I simply asked him, “Why would I lie to you?”
And that was the end of Erick.
PS: I never did get that Louis.
Kindly Take Your Tongue Back Please
As I've mentioned before, I'm on a variety of dating sites. Sometimes the risk, being on so many, is meeting less than upright men. You know the man I'm talking about: the asshole, the jerk, the one that thinks he is so amazing that you will want nothing more than to jump into sex within minutes of meeting him. He's charming and no one ever says no to him. Well, back in August, I met such a man.
I met him on a site that allows people who are looking for a nontraditional sort of relationship (save your questions for another time). Long story short, it helps those who are looking for mutual benefits...benefits to be determined. That's all I'm sharing. Dan was charming and funny when we first connected. I was back in the US while he was in Dubai. We planned on meeting once I was back. On text, he was great. We had a rapport, I laughed, he lol'd, we virtually connected. But I never base any feelings on virtual connections based on past, ahem, experiences with those scammers (mentioned in previous blogs and posts). I wanted to meet.
Upon landing in Dubai, he messaged more frequently and we arranged to meet for a coffee that following Saturday. The Friday before, about midday, he started messaging. He shared he was at a nearby place (in my neighborhood) for brunch and wanted to meet afterwards. He had clearly been enjoying some bubbles and alcohol at the brunch, so I suggested we keep to the original plan. He insisted. I caved.
He told me he would Uber to my apartment and meet me at my unit. I said no and compromised--I agreed to meet him downstairs in the lobby (I trust the security and staff at my building and knew they would step in if I needed them too, not that I was expecting to need to). He kept joking about kissing me the moment we met in person. I said I wasn't comfortable with that. He laughed. I didn't. I hoped he was joking. At 9pm, he called to ask my apartment number and I said no, just to tell me when he was there. He said he was already downstairs so jumped into the elevator.
I shit you not, folks, but the man was sitting in the lobby like a child--on the arm of a chair with his legs hanging over it sideways. I should have known then to run back upstairs. He tried to hug me and I held my hand out. I said let's walk and get some juice or tea. As we were walking through the entry doors to the building, he turned me, ripped my mask down (a huge no-no in the times of COVID), and though I put my hands on his chest to push him away, he shoved his tongue down my throat. There was no reciprocation on my part. Just his tongue. In my mouth. I was finally able to push him off and said, "Let's go". I knew then, I would not be meeting him ever again. We walked to a restaurant at the foot of my building where I had gone a few days before (I liked their juice and knew they would step in if I needed them to).
As we walked, he kept putting his arm on my shoulders, trying to pull me closer. I tried to stand my ground. We got to the restaurant and sat at a four-seater. I was assuming he would sit across from me, but nope, he sat next to me, moving his chair so it would be much more closer to mine. I was up against the window already and could not escape. During the entire time, he kept his arm draped across my shoulder and placing his hand on my leg. I remained calm and knew I could kick his ass if I really needed to. The man was obviously drunk because he slurred his words.
Thirty miserable minutes later, we left and he tried to convince me to let him come to my apartment so we could chat. I said no: we could walk around or sit in the lobby. He said it was too hot to walk and didn't want to chat in the lobby. I said too bad. He said fine and told me I could go. I said, "Great. Have a good night." I won't lie, I was thrilled...until he called for me.
He was sitting, slouched over, on the bench. Asked me to sit next to him. I did, with at least 10 inches between us. He balked and asked me to sit closer. I said this was good enough for me. He whined and moaned, sharing that this was not the way he envisioned the evening to go. I said it was probably because he was drunk (which he denied) and should have waited until the next day. I was then informed I was a very cold person, much different online and via texting. I listened for about 10 minutes. He paused, waiting for me to say something. I simply replied, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." He scoffed like a child. Even pouted. I told him I wasn't inviting him to my apartment and he needed to accept that. He said I could go ahead go. I got up, looked down at the obnoxious asshole, and offered to call a taxi for him. He looked up at me with disgust and waved me away.
When I got home, I was super upset. It brought up emotions I try to bury from a time in my childhood where I was touched inappropriately (we do not need to discuss this). It made me feel dirty and disgusting. I had to take a shower to get his scent off of me, brushed my teeth a couple of times to get his tongue taste out of my mouth...and it took me a conversation with a good friend to make me remember that the issue isn't with me, but with the asshole.
So, I share this tale with you to remind you that there are assholes in this world, yes. But you know, for every asshole, there are a at least a dozen good ones out there. Don't get discouraged. Don't allow ANYONE to treat you like this ass treated me. You stand up for yourself.
Click on the App, Block on the Social Media
So, it's not new, but I'm single. And well, I admit it: I may be a smidge addicted to some dating apps. They can be entertaining, and part of me will never give up on wasting the time of scammers who prey upon women (see previous post). But, once in awhile, I will come across an interesting profile and think, "Wow, this is a cool guy so far...let me connect with him on WhatsApp or Instagram". Sometimes this works out great and I get a friend from it, but sometimes, I'll meet an asshole.
Allow me to share about one of the asshats I connected with last fall. He was such an ass, that I only remember a few of the conversations and not his name.
I believe I met this one on Bumble. In my experience, I've met some decent blokes on this site and rarely walk away connecting with a jerk. This was an exception. Let's call this guy Mr. Ass.
I clicked on his profile because he mentioned he loved romance novels. It isn't every day a man admits to reading romance novels, so I thought, let me swipe right and get to know this one a little more. We chatted a little about romance novels and then moved to WhatsApp. During this time, I admit, the moment I move to WhatsApp, I lose interest sometimes. Hey, I'm not perfect and there's a reason I'm single. But, in my partial defense, I was also working from home, trying to manage an online class of 28 students in 5th grade by myself without any support from the school I was employed by at the time. I probably could have been chattier, but wasn't feeling it really after about a week. I figured it was in the beginning stages so I would just sort of message less and less. One morning, Mr. Ass messaged and told me he was done. He also said that next time I click or match with someone, perhaps I should show more interest. This was in the middle of the workday...maybe he didn't work. I don't know. But I replied, "You're right. I'm sorry for being distracted by work and I wish you the best of luck".
I thought that was it, but as I've found is a trend in the past couple of years, he messaged me again months later like we'd been texting for a while. "Hey, how are you?" Tangent: I will never understand why men message after months of radio silence acting like the woman should be thrilled to hear from them after like 4...5...6...sometimes 7 months later. Like, dude, move on.
So, yes, he messaged back in the beginning of 2021. "Hey, long time no talk. What's happening?" Now, if it is a guy I was in to at the time, I will engage in a conversation. If it is one that sort of burned his bridges or was a jerk at the time, I'll call him out. Naturally, I asked him why he was messaging me. He said I had the wrong guy. I didn't and assured him as such. He said he wanted to give it another shot. Evidence: see image below.
I tried to politely tell Mr. Ass that I was not interested. He balked. I insisted I wasn't interested. I told him how busy I was and that I wouldn't be able to engage in conversation very much. Most of this babble was true. He said I had a mean streak. First off, I don't think telling someone they're not interested in you is mean if done respectfully and upfront. I couldn't hold back so I asked if it was because I wasn't interested and didn't want to waste his time.
As you can see, Mr. Ass decided that he was willing to be patient. Yay me.
The man did not stop there. Now, yes, I do like flattery, but not when it's coming from the WhatsApp of a complete obnoxious shithead (I'm getting there...wait for the last couple of messages).
Instead of me describing the rest of his messages, I'm just going to end this post with two screen shots of the last few messages he sent. Needless to say, I decided to just stop there and block him because I've learned that you just can't argue or stand up for yourself with people like this. May you never have to deal with an ass quite like this.
I'm so glad he self edited his message..."year old*".
So apparently I resemble a goat. Who knew?
And I can't understand why some men just can't stand to admit that a woman may not be interested in him and resort to insulting the woman instead.
For the Love of Scamming
I’m single. This isn’t anything new, I’m aware of this. But I learned years ago that apparently there is a group of lowlifes that believe girls will do anything (or in this case, pay any amount) to find love if they’re single. To this group of douchebags, single girls are easy targets. The douchebags are scammers. I’ve never lost money to these guys, but I know others that have. Well, instead of getting angry over these losers, I’ve decided to share my experiences with the scammers in an attempt to provide entertainment to you and maybe prevent another single gals from getting scammed. Plus, in this day and age of over-sharing and exploiting the unfortunate mishaps of others, we all enjoy a good story, right? I say, let's exploit the scammers.
Let’s talk dating sites. First, I fully admit I’m currently on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and another site, while also previously being on eHarmony, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish. At times, I am fine with being on dating sites, and at other times, I feel like a loser for resorting to the dating site level. Sure, I have met a few worthy guys on these platforms, but the majority are looking for hookups, a side piece, or money.
In all honesty, I didn't met any hookup or money seekers on eHarmony. So far, I feel like most people who use this online dating avenue are probably legit.
On OkCupid, I met a guy I dated for a few months, plus some guys I consider good friends now. However, I did meet one guy looking for money. Here’s our short story: His name was JunHao (yes, I do like Asian men and he was certainly a looker according to his profile picture). He was a financial advisor. Drove a Range Rover. He was the only son and followed the idea of filial piety, often sending his parents (based in China) part of his paycheck. He worked out and loved to cycle for fun. After two months of chatting (no, we never met because I was gone for the summer), I mentioned going on a date when I returned to Hong Kong. Imagine my surprise when he told me he didn’t want to start dating until he found $9000USD for an investment he and his friend were planning on making. He asked if I could help because he really wanted to take me on a date. That was the end of JunHao and me.
Now, the true home of scammers…Tinder. Allow me to take a moment to officially thank Tinder for the hours of entertainment it has provided me and for providing such wonderful writing inspiration. If it weren’t for Tinder, I would never have started writing my favorite blog to date, ScamTales (I am not updating that blog right now, as I'm trying to merge all blogs on to this one website, but I've kept it open for anyone wanting to read the original content).
I hesitantly joined Tinder. I had heard it being a place to meet for hook-ups. But, curiosity got the better of me and I signed up. Sure, I got the occasional request for a picture or hookup. Never bothered me since that is what I was expecting. But then there was Alex. My first Tinder scammer--you always remember your first. He was obviously new to the scamming world because he was too quick with asking for the money. His profile picture was him (adorably cute) in a Disney uniform (there is a Disneyland in Hong Kong so this made sense). We chatted for about a week on Tinder before moving on to another chat forum.
Alex was planning on going to Malaysia to seek contract work in the oil industry (PETRONAS is based in Kuala Lumpur). He messaged me a day later to tell me that I was his good luck charm because he got the job! The only snafu was that he needed $500USD for the contract. He’d totally pay me back, he said. I told him no and quickly deleted him.
As time has gone on, I’ve met a fair share of scammers who are quite creative, I’ve started keeping track of them…names, screenshots. Let’s face it, there should be some sort of app you can run their profiles through to check to see if they have any reports against them (consider this idea copyrighted for any of you techies that know how to create apps and want to steal my brilliant idea). I've also decided that perhaps these scammers need to have a yearly convention to help create different stories, since they seem to all have similar issues and stories.
Poor women, and since starting ScamTales I've realized many men have been scammed as well, around the world are being taken by these losers. And I think it’s time we start fighting back. And since I don’t know how to make my genius app, I will fight using words. I also encourage you to share these stories and your own. There is power in numbers.